Parental alienation is an issue that New Jersey Family Courts take very seriously. It involves substantial, often irreversible, damage to the parent-child relationship as a result of the other parent’s spite. But as a New Jersey child custody lawyer can explain, not all child estrangement is grounds to assert a claim of parental alienation.

Parental alienation, as noted by the National Center for State Courts, is when one parent intentionally projects an unjustifiably negative attitude toward the other parent for the purpose of damaging the child’s relationship with the other parent. Children are susceptible to the influence of their parents, especially one who may be their primary caregiver. They may come to internalize those negative feelings and emotions toward the other parent. Over a period of time, this can irreparably fracture the relationship with the other parent.

As longtime Somerset child custody lawyers, we have come to understand that while parental alienation can be a very real thing, it’s not necessarily the only reason a child is estranged from a parent. In fact, even when there is a measure of parental alienation happening, there can still be other factors at play. Given that allegations of parental alienation can spur highly-contentious, drawn-out court cases, it’s critically important that Family Courts in these cases carefully weigh such allegations on a case-by-case basis.

Reasons Why Parent-Child Relationships Can Suffer After a Split

It’s not unheard of after a divorce for parent-child relationships to hit a rough patch. These can range from mild to severe, and the root causes will impact the best approach – and whether legal action is truly the best strategy to repair the damage.

The American Association of Matrimonial Lawyers outlines a few possible reasons for this:

• Affinity for one parent. It’s super common for kids to go through phases where they prefer one parent over the other. This is true regardless of whether there’s parental separation. Possible causes of this run the gamut: Gender, age, common interests, etc. Prolonged absence of one parent over the other is another. This sort of issue doesn’t usually require the Family Court’s intervention to address.
• Parent-child alignment. This is an escalation of affinity. This is a dynamic that arises when a child sees there’s a widening gap between their parents in which they can’t remain neutral. As a way to cope and adjust to this divide, they may align with one parent over the other. This can sometimes happen even when parents are still together. Sometimes alignment is for justified reasons: Poor parenting, minimal involvement, inexperience, etc. Other times, it could be for separation-related issues: One parent’s desire to relocate, financial problems, religious differences, etc. Children who witness their parents fighting – especially if it tends to get nasty – will often start to align with one parent over the other. These don’t necessarily rise to the level of neglect or abuse, and the child may not be refusing contact altogether. Still, parent-child alignment can be problematic and eventually become an outright estrangement.
• Realistic estrangement. This is when a child doesn’t want to be around a parent because of their own actual negative experiences. For example, if the child experienced abuse or witnessed it against the other parent, they may resist having contact with that parent. This can become compounded if the adversely affected parent responds by counter-rejection.
• Unjustified rejection. This is when a child’s negative feelings or reaction toward one parent is disproportionate to their own experience and/or inconsistent with the relationship they had before their parents split. When it is the result of the other parent feeding into that negativity, that’s parental alienation.

There are several ways Family Courts can respond to parental alienation, but they must first identify all potential causal factors.

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